Thursday, 3 July 2008

Films of the week!

This week's films were 'A History of my Sexual failures' and 'Kung Fu Panda', both of which I can hotly recommend.

Chris Waitts is not a likeable chap. He's the typical lazy boy we all know somewhere; still dresses like he did at uni, drags his feet across the place, and still seems surprised when people take exception to his disorganised attitude as messy and useless rather than cute. He's had tens, maybe hundreds of girlfriends, trading on his cute, dishevelled looks on duping a girl to think he's he's an easy, low-maintenance guy, a surf bum with easy dreams and easy pleasures. It's only once they're involved that they realise Chris is a guy so chronically lazy that they are faced with moping up after him wherever he goes. He kisses mums, calls women fat and makes no effort in bed but does so with no intentional malice, just with an intention of self-comfort. All this doesnt sound like the best premise for a film, but in fact it is. Seeing Chris get his comeupance and having his lack of democracy explained to him is gratifying to any girl who's dated a hopeless dreamer. The kind who makes you feel like the loser when you are forced to dump him through his lack of energy and effort, it all leaves you feeling smug and happy to be free. Ha!

A panda who does Kung Fu is not a natural union of nature and sport, but Jack Black is the only creature capable of voicing such a doomed creature. Kung Fu Panda is Pixar's latest, and delighted the audience of under twelves, but it didn't do too bad for the over twelves either. However there is a small modicum of guilt given to the fact that most of my laughter was based around the fat jokes bouncing off our panda's rotund middle. I have since decided to cultivate my own bouncing middle, and doing a very fine job of it. So far I have been aided by prawn crackers, lasagne, rice crispy cakes and vodka and cranberry- a perfectly healthy diet.

So I'm starting to get a bit disenchanted with the music industry, and since I'm in it that's not a good thing.

It's just all so haphazzard, these little bands being managed by their dad or their postman, while I'm trying to do a good job. And thanks to the bands my boss dishes out, the music is usually atrocious, with a few exceptions.

At one of my previous firms I was there 3 months and brought in 2 bands, but at my current firm, after a year, I still haven't brought in anything, largely becuase my boss won't let me out of the office to meet with a band unless she is there. It's not our company, its hers. We're not a team, its her with some lemmings in the corner.

Anyway, lets not get personal. The music industry is collapsing around my ears and I'm starting to get a bit fed up. I have no idea how you judge if music is good and no way of quantifying it. Why is commercial music bad for example? Beyonce makes some good tunes yet because its a team of people behind her rather than an individual effort it is censured. Ok, I'm not going to buy the album, but it seems a little unfair she gets critcally slated while people think One Night Only are good.

And Beyonce has a huge marketing budget, which probably helps.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull

In another run of very-lucky-stuff-what-amy-has-done, I ended up at a preview of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull last night. Since to be honest most of my jabberings get published now, this blog has been pretty darn neglected. So sorry about that, but its not like anyone reads it. anyway, to say sorry, I thought I'd pop a review up right here.

First of all, this is not a black and white discussion of the new Indiana Jones film. There are many shades of grey here. Yet I had several warnings concerning Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull this week.

When on Sunday night, the Beeb screened Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade followed by Six Days, Seven Nights, I suddenly started to feel worried, a bit sweaty round the ears. Harrison Ford is not renowned for his acting skills, but if you look at his performance in Raiders, Crusade, Blade Runner; its actually incredibly subtle. He says very little, and expresses a great deal. While I’m not about to give him an Oscar, (I’ll leave that to his 1985 Witness nomination), I’d go as far as to say that Harrison had a very realistic acting style in his younger years. Yet Six Days, Seven Nights showed very little of this. Lines were clumsily reeled off with the air of a guy who knows his box office power means he just has to show up to get this thing going. He can still pull out the stops, but for every Hollywood Homicide there’s an Air Force One. In short, it appears that these days, Ford needs a good director to power him up, to help naturalize himself. And despite what any film critic says, Raiders of the Lost Ark is the perfect film. It contains every possible element a film viewer would need – go read Tom Shone’s Blockbuster if you need further proof.

But we’ve got Spielberg on board so surely he’ll take care of us. Surely he’ll focus on this problem. This man knows about balance and subtlety; well overall. When 20 mins into Star Wars Episode One I was nearly crying because the dialogue was so bad, I finally realized the truth about George Lucas as a film maker. A man with galactic ideas who needs to be contained in some sense, and Spielberg is a perfect man to do it. It’s clear after watching Star Wars: A New Hope, that it’s the ideas and the effects that carry the plot along. The dialogue is lumbering, but you don’t care because there’s a robot and a giant dog wondering around. Magic! Madness! Yet in the next two films, when the skills of two different directors come on board, the difference is profound. Jedi’s intimate moments are clumsy, but overall, both films are stronger than the one that paved the way. The three new Star Wars films illustrated perfectly that Lucas was too wrapped up in his fan-boy world to wade through it with clarity. My C3P0 button fell to the floor, the stilted Russian alien dialogue placing us oddly in our own twentieth century Cold War echoed over our heads.

I know, sad times. But back to the subject at hand, the new Indiana Jones film has a lot to live up to. But I had faith, faith in Spielberg, faith in Ford knowing how important this role is to so many.

Opening scene, we are plunged into a film with great action but odd dialogue. Indy and Mac (Ray Winstone) are quick to let us know that they’ve been working together twenty years and have got out of bigger scrapes before. Warning bells are ringing – people don’t usually talk as conveniently as this. One of the beauties of Raiders is that not everything was resolved. What was it that Indy did to Marion? Why was she so mad? What happened with her father Abner? People don’t communicate with each other with this useful lets-fill-in-the-other-listeners exchange. It happens again later when a frustrated Marion screams at Indy about his leaving her at the altar.

It’s very good of the characters to fill us in so blithely about events that have gone on in the past 15 years, but the thing is we don’t have to know. In the same fashion, Alan Dale’s cameo lets us know that Indiana Jones is in fact a Colonel and a war hero. Our protagonist doesn’t have to be so boringly good, and given that he is essentially a grave robber who occasionally murders people for various talismans, it important that we see him as multi-facetted. The character dynamics are sliced through machete like, leaving us bumped and bruised by the action. And while the action is terrific stuff, the cartoon like formation of characters leaves us nauseated by it. Mac is a two-dimensional sidekick, driven by the highest bidder. He two-times Indy in the opening scene, yet when he re-enters Indiana’s fray, Indy doesn’t ask why he tried to kill him before, and seems particularly shocked when Mac double-crosses him again at the film’s climax when it seemed pretty damn obvious to everyone else. The re-arrival of Marion should open a chasm of emotion between her and Indiana. This is the most interesting relationship in the film and yet it is scanned over. Later in the film the couple try to share a kiss, yet it is flat in its presentation, with the pair puckering up until Mutt (Shia LaBeof) separates them; a caricature of a kiss. Moreover, the two have not had any sort of discussion to lead them up to this point. The only declaration of affection he makes is when Marion points out that Indy must have had other women in his life, Jones woodenly announces to a packed van, “Honey, they just weren’t you.” In this third-rate way, in the manner of some of the worst Bonds, we see a relationship that was created with pathos and realism twenty years ago, crashing in so as to make sure someone gets the girl.

Mutt however, captured by Shia LaBoef, is a great addition to the cast. Indeed his interaction with Indiana is the most interesting in the film. While he is a little obvious in some of his actions, his attempts at being too cool provide some humour and realism. He and Indiana have extended dialogue with each other that recaptures some of the camaraderie that we were supposed to assume occurred in Indy’s relationship with Mac. The stunts look great – thank god not all directors have succumbed to CGI. The final supernatural effects take on that fake illustrated look CGI often has that makes you wish the SFX team had blown up more things- its hard to be so scared of something so obviously animated.

It’s easy to go into detail about the film’s shortcomings however. John Hurt is having a wonderful time dancing his way through the wilderness, the Crystal skull driving plot is pretty dandy, and the main concern of an older Indiana set in the ‘fifties, actually works quite well. Yet like a giant cartoon with the characters spilling out of the top, larger than the adventure the script grapples with, the film struggles to contain the different personalities in it. Cate Blanchett is a pantomime baddie, lacking in danger, yet doing well with what she is given. With a 19 year wait that was frequently put down to the perfect script, you find it hard to believe that this is the end result. While as an audience I hoped that Spielberg would reign in any problems and make sure this was a movie worthy of its predecessors, I get the impression that instead it became a money making exercise. Spielberg, man, I feel a little bit let down. A fun film in the normal run of things, but a pale animated skit of what came before.

Saturday, 9 April 2005

Dance music to the indie dudette?

I'm annoyed. No really, you don't understand, you're not listening.

~Well ok, not proper annoyed, but annoyed enough to start a blog and thats pretty fucking annoyed. I've just read another amazing review on the internet (for do me bad things but thats irrelevant) and its just so good. Its so articulate- in a different way to some of the Darling ones that have been depressing me so much, but its still articulate in a clutish, insolate way that says fuck-the-english-language, I'm doing this my way, with or without George Bernard Shaw.

I have to admit when I started loading my blogger, I was a bit angrier. But alot of my anguish has been diluted by the Mylo album Tom donated to my cause (as well as the stagnancy of dial-up). I'm on the next release at the moment which samples Waiting for a Star to fall, and I think theres a bass line from an old Rod Stewart track too. You may say great, Waiting for a Star again? But its done in a much better way than that piece of trashy euro-pop scuff. And I like the original song- its nearly as good as We built this city on Rock and roll by Jefferson Starship (note the "and" no " 'n' " between rock and roll- thats the kind of record it is.), which coincidentally, someone really should sample. Anyway, Mylo's track is so fucking sunny. Thats probably influenced by the fact I saw the video today which looked like a Levis ad on some sort of Clockwork orange panic attack case of steroids, but its still such a sunny song. I think it must be the way he's elongated the riff with synths, which gives it a quality reminiscent of some recent euro-trash hits. (DJ Sammi and all that shite) Thats not a bad thing though in Mylo's case, its ironic doncha know.

Anyway, good album. I can see why it did well review wise. I have difficulties listening to dance music and judging it. I mean how do you judge dance? as to whether you want to do its namesake? or whether its got good production values - whatever they are. I mean there are levels of blandness in the Mylo album. and there are dance tracks I prefer. While I appreciate the symplicity and he's got a great grasp of balance, I usually like a bit more noise and craziness a la Basement Jaxx and E talkin. How do you judge electro?

However, I love the vocal samples he's used. Especially the one in track two about shaking drugs. It just shows a brilliant grasp of whats interesting to the ear.

Cher is on my television.....Hang on.....Mind melt.

She's gone. I'm ok. It was an advert for some All Woman compilation. I'm not sure they should put that on before the watershed.

Anyway, dance. My problem is that I go to a club. I then dance for 6 hours, usually with not a drop of booze of drugs inside me (I know, yeah I get it, I do it because I CAN. I'm taking twice as big a risk as drugtakers, socially anyway), and then I go home. I don't care what I dance to. I mean don't get me wrong, I notice whats on and I do judge whats played to me and make a note of whats good and whats shite, but I don't bound up to the DJ and ask what he's playing every thirty seconds all tits and teeth. Its just not for me. I'd never get any damn dancing done.

On a bit of a hop of topic, the Do Me Bad Things review does have a damn good point. While the glam rock adventure (I wouldn't call it a revival) is damn good fun, its music values are appalling. I mean what did the Darkness do? Were they any good. This would seem an obvious place for me to trot out my "flash in the pan" theory which I've been shouting everywhere since I first heard Black Shuck. And then after I Believe in a... was re-released, I suddenly saw colleagues whose musical knowledge was contained in the left heel of their obligatory all-stars going berserk about the Darkness. Its a great track. And I think it embraces alot of greatness that they didn't do, but surely at the end of the day, its a great pop song. By a pop band. With good branding to persuade those who think Mojo is the thing Austin Powers misplaced, that its subversive. They don't notice that its everywhere. Which is fine cos its fun, but surely it presents a problem for the band.

Their first album was a celebration of glam-rock; a Bolan-Ziggy-Biba-Iggy Pop-Mudd nightmare of showyness, bravado and of a sheer lack of forward planning. Because now the question has to be asked, well done boys but where the fuck do you go from here? While the Scissor Sisters are suitably massive, they're campness is actually genuine. Shit, they are actually largely gay. And they're from the Big Apple- they must be cool and fringe and subversive. It helps that their image doesn't influence their songs. I mean sure there's some serious choral work going on, and some '70s funk on certain tracks, but you feel the album would essentially be the same if they'd happened to dress like Adidas pin-ups. The Darkness' sound is dictated by Justin's catsuit. They are Rock with a capital W, and that leaves them with nowhere to go. While the Scissors may also proves to have reached their peak, at least they have respect as a songwriting unit to pull themselves out. Their androgenous image means that they can also use that to metamorphosise into something else if they like. Darkness? They're stuck. They're glam forever. And there aren't even any drugs around for them to get away.

getting back ache now. aren't i old. next time.